My Feet Will Want To March To Where You Are Sleeping..

As you my love ❤lay in hospital,your body withering away under the shadow of death….You are my Everything, you see my light & even love my dark.You gave me the greatest gift in our baby girl. So, for you…My feet will want to march to Where You Are Sleeping, But I Shall Go On Living … ”
I would have followed you anywhere ,and did. Others remember drunken fumbling,nights & even days of a kind of mad stalking desire where I magically made you submit to my whims & forced change of a cataclysmic measure upon you, Changed you, took away your power & ruthlessly left you in a dark black maze where there was no hope, just madness.
Truthfully I have no such power, magical or other.
And in that maze of hopelessness you were not alone…Helpless & beaten we clung desperately to each other.
Eighteen years on, after everything & everybody we fought & I AM SCARED…My fear that this time I cannot follow you to where you are destined – & you my beautiful, kind, honourable, moral Husband are going into the light of Heaven. There is no darkness waiting for you now.


This Is Your Relationship On Drugs

Wow, This has blown me away !
Such courage and honesty in amongst desperate tragedy

Misfit Spirit

You meet a person. They’re funny, they’re cute, they make you smile. You love the way they get excited when they tell a story. You love their dimples, their bright eyes, their passion for the things they love. You find yourself attracted to them, missing their presence when they’re gone. You like them. You develop a friendship and get to know each other. Maybe they socially drink or occasionally smoke a bowl, but they maintain control and can put it down whenever they want to. But you know, deep in your core, you know, that you’re different from them. The drugs you do control you; not the other way around. You’re an addict. But this person, they’re intoxicating and attractive and everything you ever wanted in a partner. You’re afraid if they find out you’re an addict that they won’t want to be around you anymore. So you hide it…

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I am…

I am the Child
I am the child who lived with chaos, unpredictability and a hunger to be held, to feel love
I am the child who cried and no one came, who smiled and received a frown, who did not learn to laugh
I am the child who felt so many things sadness, excitement, anxiety, fear, curiosity, confusion
I am the child who without help to fathom my feelings so they sat in me then as they sit in me now

I am the adult who wants to be held, caressed, embraced but can not ask for it
I am the adult who shows too many, too few emotions to loved ones, to strangers, to you
I am the adult with no words to set free feelings so I unleash them with cold cuts into my skin
I am the adult who drinks and dopes my brain to suffocate and sedate a fountain of feelings

I am the child who lived with chaos, unpredictability and a hunger to be held, to feel love
I am the child who learnt to connect with you when you accepted all of me
I am the child who found words for my feelings when you did too
I am the child who knows, feels, and bathes in love from you
I am the child who will be the parent with love to give, feelings to share, acceptance to offer